i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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