dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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