Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..