Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...