youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
