Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
