Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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