Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
