FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
