I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
