I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe