You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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