i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.