come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face