yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.