omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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