Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
