I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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