I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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