yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
