do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.