You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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