so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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