this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.