You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!