At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.