He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.