so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
