Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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