shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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