You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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