so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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