How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
