Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
