omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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