You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
