I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
