That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
