Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
