I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
