11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
