It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
