i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
