I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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