Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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