Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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