The maid of honor just puked.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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