I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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