no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
