EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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