so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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