sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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