youre lurking in front of me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
