How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i came on her dog
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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