i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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