I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize