The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
