How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
