One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
