i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
