dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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