Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
