..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
