Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize