i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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