tell your sister to shave her snatch
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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