I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
