I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
