VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I met the friendliest cop last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
