Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
